Infinite Winks

Sometimes I wish for crazy things… I wish the day would last forever, and the night would never come… Or I wish the night would stretch into eternity, leaving me in forever sleep, never again to see the sun… Because living I can do… And sleeping I excel at… But the combination of the two?  And the filler space I must wade in like a pool?  Three words…  No can do.  I have too much to do… No matter what I gain through the day, in this realm the flames of instability consume my gain like wood… Knowing I can never do everything I should, but wondering if sleep would come easier if I could… I’m not worried – indeed I felt great peace.  The day was all four letters of “long” and I felt I earned sleep… But as I poised to dive into the deep, something swift came and swooped me off my feet… I know not where it carries me, I just know that it’s not back to consciousness nor is it ahead into sleep… This journey wearies me… I would fain be handcuffed to the extremities of permanence, than suffer the eternal space between laying and sleeping.  … Even as my body tires, and my mind begins to expire, thoughts and reflections from the day trickle to a slow crawl, and my ambitions coil to spring into the next day’s resolve… Something peculiar occurs.  My body hits the bed… Head sinking into pillow… And then I am instantly transported into the ethereal… Vivid images of my past plague my eyes… Things that anger me, as well as things that have given me cause to cry… My shames encircle me like encroaching flames… Jeering at me, haunting, and calling my name… I suffer swirling premonitions of possible futures – futures that are either too good or too horrid to be true… But the possibility of them is what ails me… I see the hell in me, that could lead me down a meandering path, and force me into a shadowy direction like power steering.  I wonder which of the mistakes I’m currently making will cause the favorable futures to displace me – plummet, and splinter my life unto breaking…  Here in this forever between laying and sleeping, I am waiting.  Breath baited.  Will I finally descend into slumber or will my reality keep on shaking?  … I would fain be handcuffed to the extremities of permanence, than suffer the eternal space between laying and sleeping… Even as my body tires, and my mind begins to expire, thoughts and reflections from the day trickle to a slow crawl, and my ambitions coil to spring into the next day’s resolve… Something peculiar occurs.  My body hits the bed… Head sinking into pillow… And then I am instantly transported into the ethereal… Where is my love – factual or fictional?  Is she thinking of me or praying for me?  Does she consider me a lens on the face of love helping her to clearly see?  … Does she maintain hope that I am en route and will get there some day – Lone Ranger, hi-ho Silver, awaaaaay!!!  I blink and I am projected into a television program… Another blink and I am a key character in a classic novel… What if I was a hero?  What I was a villain?  What if I rolled off my bed during my sleep… and instead of the floor I hit the ceiling?  My eyes can no longer focus, darkness is a smooth melody around me playing its greatest hits… Consciousness is still on board, and I’m desperately trying to jump ship… Because the true sorrow is coming… The silence is disarming, but the clock ran out and now it’s alarming…  My mother, my grands, my unborn children – worst scenarios ever flash through my behind the eyelid vision… I pray… I sing… I roll restlessly, and then ever desperately I count sheep… Nothing.  I despise that the dark will court me, but never take me.. Flirt me, but never mate me… I would fain be handcuffed to the extremities of permanence, than suffer the eternal space between laying and sleeping… Even as my body tires, and my mind begins to expire, thoughts and reflections from the day trickle to a slow crawl, and my ambitions coil to spring into the next day’s resolve… Something peculiar occurs.  My body hits the bed… Head sinking into pillow… And then I am instantly transported into the ethereal…

And my eyes fly open, maliciously greeting the sunlight streaming through my window.

 

 

~The Wordsmith

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