I wish that you were still here to play basketball with me… Give me fine tips on conditioning, and impressing me with the way you swish effortlessly… But you’re not. I wish you were for us to fish yet again, or perhaps skip rocks over the stream. To wrestle, and to tumble, ah you and I were quite the team! It behooves me to think not of why you left – or perhaps you were taken… stolen away from us leaving me forsaken. It’s not your fault at all – trust me I know. I think back when it happened I may have even been proud, because I always endorse any of your forms of growth, but right now? Right now I wish you were right – here.
I wish we could be standing here arguing vehemently, so that I could relive the pleasure of making up with you… I wish you were here staring me dead in the face, so I could bold face lie… Then catch me in it, and extract the truth, for in truth, you were the truth that I willingly submitted to, and though I teased you I had the utmost respect for you… I wish we could bring into this plane of existence some Disney magic, befriend Aladdin, and make use of his lamp… Then we could conglomerate our wit, and mental dexterity to making those three wishes last as long as we needed them to last. Yeah we can be bad, but the life gap spared the earth, and when we finally joined forces, there was no Sith plot to be had, only Jedi type stuff – we were pretty rad… But we aren’t any longer.
I wish I had known then, what I know now about everything I know about… From earth to pluto, like to love, immobility to faith, and pretty much just all of the above… Perhaps somewhere in this dome of mine is the key – the key that I USED to need. Back when this life board shifted, and we suffered increased distance like a checker piece. I kept thinking I can’t be that far from “king me,” then I could make my way back to you rather quickly… But that was false. Turns out the game shifted as well – and although I didn’t find myself in hell, sometimes I think I might as well, cuz this flippin chess game isn’t treating me too well. I’m so caught up in thinking ten steps ahead, and adapting to the siege of the opposition, that I have to table the actual mission, and be focused on – winning. But what is a win without you? I remember when there was no “when” without you, for you were a part of my time. But – the clock is at zero still, and all is dark in the absence of your light.
I wish you were here to share these moments with me… You know the ones I mean. When something crazy happened I would always look at you, or you would look at me, and although our faces somehow stayed straight inside we were laughing hysterically. You were the best… Or what about those moments where somebody made a comment, and it was an eyebrow raise moment… All we had to do was lock eyes – our brains were synchronized like judgement day and atonement… I wish you were here to cut me off with my own words. Interrupting what I was saying, saying the very things I wanted heard. I think the worst part is that you’re not gone in the morbid tense, but far removed from me, as if banished from my presence. Smh. Shaking my head…
One of the rules in wishing is that you cannot wish for more wishes… Which is ironic, because it compels you to utilize wisdom, but then if you have great fountains of wisdom, what need have you for – wishes? This is my predicament. Or perhaps not, because in this reality view, wishes do not come true – only applied discipline to your actions do. **shrug** That does not keep me from wishing… From wishing you were still. Right. Here. Wishing you would return. For I know that the true journey has only just begun, and that I better get really comfortable with my memories, because the bridge of our constant companionship has been burned – albeit in the name of progression – but still burned. And I know not about you, but – the burns still hurt. And so with nothing but my memories to lose myself in, and with you the occasional run in, I am resigned to fantasy. Hoping that just this once – it will come through for me.