Impulses

i want to write a poem
not something ok
something good
something you can relate to
something you can hear and say, wow that’s ==> thats good
but my imagination has failed me, my mind stopped working
and so my hands cant write, won’t type
a poetic verse or word for me
see, my mind keeps me going
It’s creative because i’m always thinking
I’m always imagining and brainstorming, controlling
but slowly
it’s closing
I prayed but i’ve got nothing
and now i’m unknowing
what to write….

i want to write a poem
maybe about my struggles
about how my father left me
how i let my family beat me
boys mistreat me
how my mother would break me
had a brother who hated me
along with other situations this joyous life brings
but as much as i wanted to throw you that surprise
i’ll choose otherwise

I want to write a poem
But still my mind is ceasing to articulate
leaving me with just my body
which would work if i felt like dancing
but i dont

maybe i could write about my talents
and how they just came
how one day i opened my mouth and awakened the verb “sang”
how rhythm has never been my problem
or how the stage and lights keeps me going
really guys
i just want to write a poem….

I’m losing control of my mind
trying to find what was there before
i would like to just go back and imagine
take back what i could create
have what was mine
the only way i know how to release
i just want to write
but my fingers wont type
and my pen wont mark

I’ve lost my passion to the infinite unknown
and now
I just dont know
Just cant let go
of the person i have become
that has seemed to left me with no gifted ability to address any part of life
dramatically, epicly, poetically

maybe i can write about how God has changed me
how I had to become weak so that he could save me
from my sins in the world i live
from myself in the skin i’m in

see i never struggled with drugs or anorexia
homosexuality or dyslexia
illiteracy or ADD
but pride and anger loved to hang with me
because i felt there was a God who forgot to care for me
how I hid my emotions from all that was hurting me
and that messed me up emotionally and mentally

I can tell you about how i loved being able to pick out multiple faces
and arguments and fighting became my entertainment
how i seemed strong
so i controlled people very well
though my soul was weak and beneath i was going to hell
i knew it
but continued to do it
this life was easy
this life felt safe
but God was watching
following chasing just waiting and praying
that i would wake up to find his hand
grasped in mine this whole time
and realize that i had become arrogant and blind

when i did
he helped me keep one face on
straightened up my demeanor
so that everyone could begin to see her
the her i thought i buried long before

Jesus died so that she could be restored
i could tell you
how he taught me how to love, and believe
how he opened up my mind to think
and my eyes to see
my lungs to breath
gave me hope to live and stars to reach
but unless some good verse jumps out at me
it seems that poem just can’t be
which actually does suck cause if i had the capability
I’m sure that one could actually be quite inspiring

i wanted to write a poem
not something ok
something good
something you can relate to
something you can hear and say, wow that’s ==> thats great
see, my mind keeps me going
But now it’s ceasing to articulate
my hands cant write, won’t type
a poetic verse or word for me
I prayed but i got nothin’
as you can see, it’s stopped working

 

 

 

 

~Cameo appearance by: Rhianna

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s