I live in a constant state between asleep, and awake…
Never fully breathing. Never fully sleeping. Never fully BEing.
I’ve wasted so much time in my life… moreso than I realized. When I see others go through what I’ve gone through I understand that I should have made more of the moment. That I should’ve let the bridge down over the moat and, surrendered a portion of controlling to the system of life that I may be a whole one… but I sleep. Almost. I jump to my feet. Not quite. I can never fully descend into sleep and be consumed by my dreams or come all the way awake with the adrenaline pumpin to give me power to bring fruition to my ambition. Its a struggle just to take a step forward. My senses snap to Jedi awareness when other people are in need, but I’m a bat in daylight when its just me… I need a me to counsel me. To russle my feathers and slap me on the beak. But there is none. I can hardly tell if I’m tired or merely suffering the effects off this trans-delusional state.