My Start

I won’t start until I’m ready.

Until my aim is rock steady, and my faith is rock heavy.  Heavier than a heavyweight champion in the ring, I will wait until my champion bell rings.  Tears of hope despaired, and frustrated at the frustrations that have not been been spared.  The enemy is always doing extra – even striking me is not enough.  But i have had enough.  I don’t believe in false starts because those are true stops, and a wingless bird who leaps out of the nest will quickly find itself wing stop, when it’s rocked by the knots on it’s head from the ground that remains an immovable force.

I won’t start until I’m ready.

If I rush into the inferno before I’m fireproof, then we all die. If I leap into the abyss before I learn how to levitate then none of us will fly.  I am not cold of heart – I am necessarily reserved.  Reserved for the release of this pinched nerve.  Nervous that I will wake many hurts behind me that were previously undisturbed.  Un- disturbed is the tranquility which I am in the process of arming myself with.  With no center in me, I cannot orient the world.

I wont start until I’m ready.

I don’t love that which I may temporarily become, but I despise that which I currently am.  My journey became a plateau, because I turned back to teach you the things you need to know.  Which limited you to my growth, and limited me to your soul.  No more.  I must be both Master and Apprentice.  Both Patient and Dentist.  Both Relay and Winner.  You cannot teach me – I can only learn about what is to come from what is ahead.  I can only learn about the superlatives from that which has surpassed it.  I must do this.  Must embrace this truthness.  And when I return like the Jedi – My herald will be Newness.

But…

I won’t start until I’m ready.

**
~The Wordsmith

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