The Apology

I know that this will probably never reach your ears, but I pray to God that somehow it finds it way to your heart… Despite the rumors that I became your tumor, I need you to know that my words ring truer…  I never meant you any ill- but still I got you sick.  I tried to blow life into your flame- but all that was left was a smoking wick.  I spit so many words I turned you into a cesspit, and you wound up so damaged I had to disappear- but you don’t know how bad I regretted it.  If you’re still reading this far, then I’m already blessed beyond what I deserve, and I hope I hit a nerve- the nerve connected to your understanding.  The revelatory gland that reveals to you what is up under me standing.  I’ll take the reprimanding, and I’ll take all of the hate.  I’ll take the excommunication and the expulsion from hope’s gates, but I get irate when the masses attempt to take my vocal place, and control me in order to keep their place at your side as consoling when- they don’t even know me… but you do- or at least you did.  And I make no excuses for my ghetto pot behavior- I was livin with no lid.  I humbly ask you to forgive.  Please receive…

This apology.

I ran you rampant like elephants on stampede, and on your presence I did impede, cloaked inside the gift of me, but this gift was a curse, cursed by deep wells of hurt, and from this hurt I drew you a pail- and sent you halfway to hell.  I acknowledge the way I abused my knowledge of you like throwing books up against wall… I threw your identity, your courage, your esteem, your ALL against that wall.  It takes two to tango, but I made the first step… Takes two to kiss, but I took the first breath.  The darkness strummed my strings, as I played yours like piano keys with no rests… failing every test… I turned the world against me globally, socially accepting the less from everybody if you took the most of me.  My darkness began hosting me.  I preyed on you like a tiger, instead of praying like a mantis… I chanted your ear candy like tootsie roll, dancing across your emotional threshhold… Holding death, and calling it gold.  Destroying our youth, and inciting our old.  … Used your body like the frame over a car.  Gassed you up with promises, with no intentions to go far… I’m sorry… Please receive…

This apology.

I could go on for days… kind of like your pain… I can’t stop you from bein wet, but I can offer this umbrella against the rain… You might never walk the same, but I offer you this cane… hear me clearly when I say- I’m sorry.  I apologize.  I am ashamed of the way I channeled my own demise.  I know you have bodyguards, and lookouts in the towers… But I am bulletproof, and have unusual powers… They can’t stop me.  I can pierce your defenses, but I only want YOU to know… I want you to be free of me and at last have your peace… I don’t care what they who hate me say- I only care about what you believe.  I may never have the opportunity to show you- for you I have been forbidden to see- and so I give you my second best… my words upon my heart string.  I know this is like a drop in the nile, but its everything I’ve got, and I’m still slim but not shady, like eminem before 8 mile.  When I see you in public- I’m going to offer a smile… Hopefully it doesn’t make you cry… From the depths of my soul, and with every beat of love in my heart, I am so, so sorry… and I hope you forgive me…. On this celebratory day- let us lay down this enmity…

This may never reach your ears, but I pray to God it somehow reaches your heart…

I pray for still waters in the wake of the cyclone that I used to tear us apart…

If there is anything I can do to show the new me then say it, but in the meantime I ask you to please-

Accept this apology.

**
~The Wordsmith

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