NYE: Apocalypse

Started off self deceieved on top, ruling with an iron fist.  But then that top spun and in the frozen moments betwixt slow motion I observed the centrifugal chaos.  Way off. Paid off. Whilst I was sleep, Truth ditched my suffocating grip and I awoke to lies in my bed. What lies in my bed are the lies I have spread of being a deliverer of Christ’s holy bread- I was doing nothing. Living death.

I awoke with a start, stumbled to the mirror to see my inner man, and for once- I got a good look at him. The estranged, bedraggled form of one of the Lord’s mighty men.  The Mayans I didn’t mind them because I’d prophesied my own end- prophelyin to profit off of my misery… I was lacking courage you see.

The year was a bucket of hell flamed charcoals wrapped in shadows.  Seeing was not seeing. Hurting was not hurting. The only constant elements upon me were lack and worry… lack and worry… lack and worry.  Satan’s DJ got in my head and spun his favorite hits into the fabric of my soul- lack. And worry.

Against all odds- an immaculate robin cast a glare on the sun as she flew to Heaven. The dear hearted transcended into the dearly departed and took shards of my heart with them. No amount of working out in the gym will bring their priceless presence back here.  … Nesha I love you so much and I miss you every single day.  Sometimes I wonder if you truly knew the wonder you brought to my face whether I saw you or not. When my life would start to rot I would think of you quitting… and of course I could not.  You were, and will forever be, my angel. I won’t let the world forget about you.

This year threw it’s best at me.  Took me into the depths of a universal supply of worthlessness, rubbed my face in it, and forced me to repeat that THAT was my identity…

But I’m still here.  Still here and my eyes see clear- armed with a heart of courage to steer me through all my fears.  Far from perfection, but nearly perfectly not concerned with it. The afflictions never lessened, but the lessons became the talking battle scars crying out that I EARNED my winnin. 

I’ve been stuck in fire, and I just stepped out…

I’ve been a dead mute, but I’m shedding these grave clothes and opening my mouth…

2012 ripped away pieces of me that I was certain I needed…

And now I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.

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