It’s twisted.

I will my mind to forget, but instead it just flips it.

Intellectual acrobatics, turning any vision of mine into a vivid portrait wherein I get lost in your eyes.  That magazine cover, the billboard, the flyer advertising an upcoming movie… I even did a double take at the woman in the parking lot, because somehow out of my eye’s corner she became you from the way you make the air shimmer to how your smile makes the sun stop.

This is crazy.

You silently demanded to go your own way, and though I did not blink or let any sign of dismay show on my face, for a while I prayed, but then as your boat drifted further and further away I resolved to let you leave.  To not obsess or forcefully cling, but to cleave the precious parts of you out of the heart of me and relieve myself of the faith I had developed in this fantasy…

But my eyes refuse to stop seeing you.

Heart refuses to stop needing you.

Innermost parts will not cease pleading with you.

… But you are gone.  Or perhaps you just simply are, since we were never anything for you to actually be gone from. This is the sum of friendship and hopeful intentions.  Kept my eye on all the valves yet we still lost steam and you went missin… unless you found yourself.  Found your happiness.

Perhaps it is I who am lost.

Or not.

And when I close my eyes… I fall in love all over again as you smile at me in my dreams.  As you embraced me, and loved me with the full power that was only hinted at in waking reality before you abruptly abandoned me.  I fall in love again as I simultaneously watch and experience the full framework of unreserved admiration and beauty.

The picture of perfection.



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