Knees

It wasn’t until I was no longer afraid of being formless around you that it happened. I let go of the need to protect my sensitivity, I’m all dough, and cheese, soon as you begin speaking to me- my strength is no longer defined by its constant state but by its content’s state.

It wasn’t until the swords and rockets were relinquished, until the security force was extinguished in the freedom of being with you that I realized- I never had an issue with weakness. 

I’ve always concealed it, like a never ending game of hide and go seek, but under your touch, I spill all the secrets to the mystery. I shyly confess that I actually can’t do things. My force fields have always had holes and my desires have always had walls, if you crucify me I’ll bleed. Please. Stick your fingers into the road carved through my palms. I am weak.

And I am happy to let my weaknesses breathe, because each exhale sharpens my hearing as I’m lulled to sleep by your heartbeat.

Weakness was never the enemy.

Just the feeling of being vulnerable.

But even when I’m exposed, your light corrupts the negatives, and the true image of who I am is safe all over again.

A win win.

In my skin.

I think I’m in love with…

The Queen who brings me to my knees.

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Two Many Ones

I keep thinking about you, even when I shouldn’t be thinking about you. It’s like the last ten thousand rounds were a circle and I’m up for round two. But this time, the story would be different, I’ve learned enough to make a difference like the enemy of addition. The mission is written in tinted ten pins, so even if I strike out and my mind clouds in the gutter, the resulting explosion will reset my broken pieces.

But that’s not what you want, is it. That faucet’s cut off like you’re done with the dishes. I know it sounds silly, but look how well we’ve done willy, I imagine the point of conversation starts at reminiscing. We ain’t gotta be together, for you to be here with me. And although the only parts of the castle are still sand, at least we managed to build a city, starlight brand, lifted the band up off our fingers, slipped out of the mask, I put you through the ringer, and I’m sorry for that, but now the real thing is, all we have, and if we had to crash our paths to shatter hour glass and blast the fatted past aghast at massive smash, to pass through gaps and splash in satisfaction, promised land-

Then I’d say worth it.

This is what I mean when I say I’m thinking of you. We couldn’t break orbit together, but we invented better rocket fuel, from knocking jewels, together like playing bloody knuckles outside the classroom in your favorite sweater draped in leather, what happens next is everything like the molecules of matter.

I wasn’t your plus 1. That’s why things could never add up. And you weren’t my soul mate. That’s why it never felt like Heaven. We were like two convicts, jumping from our hiding place, diving out the window and sliding down the fire escape. It wasn’t til we hit the ground, right where Sandra bland went down, that we got bullocked by the switching lanes.

Oh shoot, we’re running different ways. The breeze brings me your scent occasionally and I just give a little wave like a beach in San Jose, I know now we weren’t meant to be, my inner me is no enemy and it’s ended please…

Don’t regret the time we spent. Even if it turned out to be monopoly money. Because now, for every dime we get…

We know better than to put it in slot machines, the magic bean, makes a fool of our country.

I Became It

I pretend not to think about you
Only as long as I can hold my breath
And when I desperately inhale…
There you are filling my lungs again
These memories of us
I replant them to keep them from fading
Water them with longing
To keep them from wilting
I have this dream that one day you’ll return
And tend this garden with me
That with fingers interlocked
And my eyes reflecting yours
We will make memories anew

Life might be possible without you
But there is no soul in it
Love blusters and bumbles
But in the end it is the only sure thing we have
Falling in love with you
Was like a deep sea dive from the top of the moon
It wasn’t instant… it wasn’t at all quick…
But as soon as my fingertips touched the waters
I knew I would never long for anybody else ever again
You consumed me
And were not repulsed
You took my ugliness in your hands
And loved it the most

Love is the prize of a relentless friendship
Cool waters and succulent honey
After the chaos of battle
Love is telepathy and alien magic
Love is when I look across the room
And you’re already smiling at me
There is no hole in my heart
Just a longing for your presence
A presence I will never take for granted again

Because I didn’t just fall in love
Thanks to your tender touch
I became it

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Insomnia

Parallax.

Paralytic vision converter verging on the edge of mended delusion. A rose softly dropping it’s three petals like a roll of silent thunder, because you lacked the  vantage to see the lingering fourth.

Passive aggressive in its active nature, every tree refuses to violate the horizon. Dawn rebels, tired of the earth’s cyclical self, shelving the responsibilities of time management and begrudgingly nudging forever off into eternity.

It’s a cosmic rip, like the moon harpooning your mama’s ceiling and doing lunar things to her while you are sleeping, it makes me sick.

The night sky is the eternal Judas.
The march of time is the wisest clueless.

And my contrite mind stays awake to tune in.