River’s Choice

The river used to flow for me.

Tired and worn down, lips cracked with the merciless blood leaks of ambition… the dry riverbed would flow for me. Would grace me with the refreshing honor of parching my thirst and revitalizing my skin.

My invitation was open ended like the fat man’s appetite, never rescinded like glory in the afterlife, I would often make my way there after night. Hidden in shadow but spied by the discretion governed pale eye of the moon. Under cover of light and darkness I would whisper the gray of my heart out and the river would flow for me. Into my mouth, over my brain, through my eyes, across my back…

I was never ashamed to be broken because I knew the river’s affection for me began in eternity and continued on into forever.

Very often it was the weight of identity in my mind which drove me to my knees in defeat… needing the coolness of the river, but forcing myself to endure the heat. Desert sand began to define me like a dictionary written in braille with seashells in hand. I couldn’t see well enough to stand. Burden bigger than the sea whale Hancock threw off the land.

I collapsed at the river for healing again…

But that day my awareness of my neediness and spoiled gain played against me…

The river doesn’t flow for me anymore.

Almost Made It

It’s like someone played the wrong chord on a vital organ… now I can hear the rising score morphin and taking over. Taking over the senses it connects to, it connects four because the clouded eyes behind these glasses are pourin.

Somewhere, in a garden hidden inside a forest, a flower falls…

A hitch in the step of sunrise, not strong enough to break into dawn, the darkness of the void is granted more time. Unintended benevolence, ignorant of what’s ahead of us, fishin for love with negligence, forfeiting our inheritance, trying to attain a better trust. Empty handed in the end, facial expression incredulous.

Like a roll of thunder, the flower crashes powerfully to the ground…

The bees lose passion for their honey… Badgers crawl from the cracks and crevices to lie dejectedly on the sand… the deer come down from the hills… Butterflies self identify with the cocoon… there are tear drops on the leaf tips. The dew of a morning that will either never come, or never cease. It’s only Tuesday, but the pews are already filled again. Completely unsure of what to pray, just aware that there’s a fresh crack inside and they don’t know how to fix it.

The broken flower rolls, idly, across the ground… slowly losing life yet captured in the twilight of ineffable beauty… there is no redemption in this- and even if there was, it’d be unnecessary.

Every petal isn’t meant to be saved.

Chance Encounter

My mind is a maze of brainless cutaways.

Alternative alleyways of alleviating allocations. Always allowing a little leeway out of the situation. Alluringly elusive, what chance had I until now.

Touchdown.

I caught your eye in the middle of a thick crowd. You co-signed my hand sign and before we could question the equal sign, there we were making math. Adam and Eve wrapped in an animate dance while the animals watched in a trance.

Suddenly our breathing became saiyan vapors on a cloudy night. Backed by black, there rebelled the misty whisps of white. Taking a step back, shoulders still in class forming right angles like parallelograms, the question hung between us.

One step further and math wouldn’t be the only problem. One full explosion and there’d be no one left to solve it.

Beams glare, shining off of a reflective mirror. It seems there is air that’s clean here. Twenty thousand feet above Asgardian sea level. Flying high like a mountain soaring on the back of Aslan’s racing stripes, primate delight, I’m going ape with hype, this has been a close encounter of the strange kind, lowkey.

And now we’re back in line at the diner.

I open my mouth to place my order, then I smile at her. Her eyes twinkle with a knowing gleam. My hand shoves deep into my pocket, burying my phone in a grave of deadened ambition.

We’ve been down this road before.
Almost didn’t survive.
It’s a violation to receive a second chance twice.

We nodded slowly at each other.

I made my way to my table.

She rang many customers and I ate a lot of food. After the fifth refill of my drink I was like that one aunt we all have… bursting at the seams. I paid and tipped my cap to the fair lady. She smiled the fantasy I would never live. Some stories just aren’t meant to be told or revisited.

With the air of the President, I whooshed through the door without looking back.

And never…
Saw her…
Again.

###

Tale of a Rose: Part II

You are the rose who can’t even see the concrete it is famous for growing from.

Weary traveler bleakly pressing your way towards the mountaintop, it seems impossible that breaking through the concrete was ever deemed a victory.

Ducking the stones from the ones who once praised your bravery, dear rose… give yourself grace… you did not know.

You did not know royalty goes unnoticed when clothed in the struggles of civilians. The king makes the crown, but the crown keeps the eye of the people. That’s why the statement is so falsely regal, it’s not kneel before the king, it is kneel- before the ring of golden steeples.

Respect the crown.

A chilly revelation to match the icy sting of struggle that you never expected.

Wondering why you climb, even as you seek the next cleft in the rocks.

My friend… full blossom wasn’t the destination. In a commonly rare case of defied expectations, you the rose are being called to- elevation.

Your heart is trying to fail within you, but you must not let it.

You are no failure.

You are the Rose.

Tale of a Rose

You survived your own mutiny.

Subdued the internal revolt.

Your battle scars are resolution and confidence… but that means you’ve got no scars to show.

From the outside they slander you as arrogant, condescending, unremorseful… they don’t see you on the mountain barely clinging…

You’re just a rose.

Fierce storms rise up in you. The why dids and why didn’t you’s. And truth be told, part of you wants them, even though they don’t want you and you reason within that if they could see you want them in your struggle that they’d want you too.

Second guesses multiply like fractions of a whole attention span in a 3rd grade math classroom.

Allegiance and loyalty challenged, where growth is the only measuring rod… “Don’t you see me on this mountain?” You say. “Don’t you see this… rose?”

Mudslides and dirty petals. Scruffy lookin nerd herder blacker than the pot that mocked kettle. No reward is worth this…

But it is, my friend, it is.

There is no turned rose tail to tell of in this tale of a rose…

Dust yourself off, and look how far you’ve come.

Leash those emotions and tell them- it’s time to move on.