Pictures

It’s twisted.

I will my mind to forget, but instead it just flips it.

Intellectual acrobatics, turning any vision of mine into a vivid portrait wherein I get lost in your eyes.  That magazine cover, the billboard, the flyer advertising an upcoming movie… I even did a double take at the woman in the parking lot, because somehow out of my eye’s corner she became you from the way you make the air shimmer to how your smile makes the sun stop.

This is crazy.

You silently demanded to go your own way, and though I did not blink or let any sign of dismay show on my face, for a while I prayed, but then as your boat drifted further and further away I resolved to let you leave.  To not obsess or forcefully cling, but to cleave the precious parts of you out of the heart of me and relieve myself of the faith I had developed in this fantasy…

But my eyes refuse to stop seeing you.

Heart refuses to stop needing you.

Innermost parts will not cease pleading with you.

… But you are gone.  Or perhaps you just simply are, since we were never anything for you to actually be gone from. This is the sum of friendship and hopeful intentions.  Kept my eye on all the valves yet we still lost steam and you went missin… unless you found yourself.  Found your happiness.

Perhaps it is I who am lost.

Or not.

And when I close my eyes… I fall in love all over again as you smile at me in my dreams.  As you embraced me, and loved me with the full power that was only hinted at in waking reality before you abruptly abandoned me.  I fall in love again as I simultaneously watch and experience the full framework of unreserved admiration and beauty.

The picture of perfection.

#PreFuego

By the Sea Shore

She sells sea shells by the sea shore
But if she had me we’d buy the sea shore
She sells the sea’s shells cuz her heart screams torn
But who can she tell- we don’t listen to the sea no mo’

I see this girl every day, lookin the same in every way. My eyes stray behind her waist, but my heart’s drawn unto her face. A face with beautiful, sunset eyes that have never seen the moon. Never, seen the night through to the cleanliness spawned of the dawn. Never- and so she regards herself as a shadow of the night. Mrs. Less-Than-Perfect who dare not raise eyes above surface to lock vision with Mr. Right, she cheats her life by not answering as a child of light…

And it is for this very reason that I cannot get in. I don’t know what it is, but when I see her by the sea I just have a passion for her to live.  Girl please put down these shells, so you don’t block Heaven’s Cupid…

I love you.  More than you will ever know.  More than you can likely handle in this instant like a pot of oatmeal, but you’re the real deal- a big deal in my world.  I see past the sea and the shells you sling- right into your inmost being.  The precious heart of a small girl, who yearns to be a princess… somebody’s Queen, somebody’s pearl.

Well let me introduce myself. You can call me Somebody.  Somebody who’s been watchin. Somebody who’s been prayin. Somebody who’s somehow fallen in love with you and has been patiently waiting.

One day you will see that you don’t have to sell sea shells by the sea shore anymore.

And on that day, there I shall be- on bended knee offering you the keys to a plain looking door that leads to SO much more.

The Soul Soldier

I don’t have time be lazy… I barely have time to sleep.  I’ve got a million and one dreams whose lives depend on ME.

I don’t have time to defend myself against the offense of purpose in my life.  Purpose turns up the heat and brings my life to a slow boil.  It is the press to my olives, drawing forth the anointed oil… I am a blessing, which means, that I don’t have time to be a curse.  I don’t have time to flirt with death, and spend wealthy afternoons picking out my hearse.  It hurts… When I fly below the skyline.  When I deny my inner beam, and change the scene, so that I’m a night sky.  When I decrease my accelerator, and let the reckless have what is mine, I’m fly, so why, do I pretend like I’m a five instead of a dime?  … My dreams are bigger than rick ross, and at the top God reigns and employs Himself as the big boss.  A dream without the Lord is all thunder- no shock.  A whole lot of whoofin- a dog with no teeth who is literally all bark… Leaf me alone. ;o) The throne room is my home, my lifestyle is glory and glory alone, NOT on my own, or the crown on my dome- I’m just a dope- but He who casted the dream in me is my lifeline into greatness like ol’ Rahab’s rope…

I don’t have time to be lazy… I barely have time to sleep.  I’ve got a million and one dreams whose lives depend on ME.

There is a staleness in the air, and that is because I have stifled the air freshener… Or better said- I have not invented it.  The starving hunger for I have not fed them, blood donors never become because I have not bled them, old habits prevail for I have not shed them, I’m flyin tandem… with a brick.  Once I let it go then my parachute will do the trick.  Pair a chute to my passions, and let it slide on out, like the registers at a resale store, there’s value when my dreams pop out.  I can no longer condone the phrase “I don’t have time.”  I literally don’t have time to not have time- time serves ME.  The only one who does not have time is he who has exited stage left into eternity, but as long as you stay right in this crossroads of infinity, there’s an eternity’s worth of power and revolution contingent upon you stepping off the precipice of hesitation and free falling into your destiny….. You were made to fly- that’s why you have wings.  🙂

I don’t have time to be lazy… I barely have time to sleep.  I’ve got a million and one dreams whose lives depend on ME.

I don’t need sleep… I only need rest.  I don’t need extra bed hours, I just need to be my best.   Anything else than sold out, will forge me into something considerably less, as if, I was born a king unto a king, but I sat upon my throne in some commonplace sweats…. no.  If I am a prince then I want the kingdom.  If I am a king then I want the world.  But if I am solely, undisputedly, transformationally ME?  Then I want EVERYTHING.  Heaven and Hell and all in between, for you see… There is a hole in me.  Been under-walking so long, there’s a sole in me, and the so low me, become solo me, I am my own branch, but I go hard for the whole tree… Up late in the night, greet the morning with a grin.  Breath in grace, exhale the poison from any sins.  The most potent gift I possess is the ability to begin again.  As long as I’m always fighting- I am guaranteed to win.  … There is a world that’s dying, waiting for me to live, and the clench is, I’ve already been sized up- I just gotta stick my foot in like a shoe in.

I don’t have time to be lazy… I barely have time to sleep. I’ve got a million and one dreams whose lives depend on ME

Mi Corazon

This feeling is crazy.

I wake up with it daily, daily reminding myself that it’s just me waking and that the woman of my dreams is not my wife, my boo or my baby.  I write rhymes, turn on the radio, turn it off and then right more rhymes, but apparently I’m out of thyme, because the flavor of my life has suddenly become dull.  I used to be the Incredible Hulk, or simply Mr. Incredible, but now I’m a vegetable.  Used to be the Big Meat, with a lot of cheese, but now I’m no longer even edible.  I know I sound pathetic, and I’m sounding out my letters to see if my use of them makes me better, but I’m sweating like summer weather, denying my heart this pleasure… To look you dead in the eye, and sweetly sing – “You make me better…”

This feeling is crazy.

I must be a Pharaoh, because woman you plague me!  Where’s the Red Sea, where’s the palace key, here take the whole kingdom, but just stay far from me… I have never felt such a perfect blend of utter enticement and toxic dread.  I long to see your face, hear your voice, trade the latest jokes, and possibly annoy some folks… But at the same time your lack of recognition of my heart’s position, makes me wanna come up missin, like college class ditchin, and I know it sounds like a wimp and my courage I am whippin, but we haven’t known each other that long – all I know is that although my soul was whole… YOU were what was missin.

This feeling is crazy.

The light of my heart is eclipsed by your beauty, and my truce unto truth truly shows me an us in our future, should we cast ourselves for the leading roles in this love movie.  Your words – are soothing.  Your laughter – my undoing.  And although I know things won’t be perfect, and this cat of affection may accidentally die, it has nine lives, and each one of them is purpose, and I propose that we go steadfast to the hole, alley oop and dunk this thing, and bring to this dark earth another glow… This feeling is crazy.  Or maybe I am.  In my head, I want to be your head, want to be the face next to yours when you lay down in bed, the hands of your massage when you really need some rest, the answers whispered in your ear when you are taking a test, and I’ve even learned some french to spice our romance… Ma cherie<3 Lol  I’m a mess.  Crazy in the head.  Loco in la cabeza.  But I have hope like a seed in planter, that you will meet me in sky, standing on top of love’s branches…

This feeling is crazy.

**

~The Wordsmith

Today

This week has been the most depressing week of my life.  Or maybe it’s been years.  Perhaps centuries.  …When the sun touched horizon, my face touched the floor.  When ambition prodded me in the back, I collapsed at the door.  Greatness took my hand, and Faith raised me up so I could stand, but then I breathed a whiff of Doubt, and took a glass of Overwhelming to the head… Daily this was my routine.  Waking up in bed dreading the space between that moment and evening, because I felt void of meaning, meaning that there was nothing worth doing, and I had to fake it… It was not a good time.  There was no hero to rescue me – or perhaps I was blinded… There was no healing serum, or magic recipe… Day in and day out, I bore the burden of the bareness of my necessities, because with no purpose – I had no needs for anything…

But today – was different. I woke up with my head up.  I opened my eyes and could breath – I wasn’t choked up.  My ears were unclogged, and i could perceive the echoes of Destiny and Resolution – had they always been speaking?  It felt like they chose this moment to speak up.  Revelation was a rhythm, and I was an emcee tearing the beat up… Jabbawockee gone rogue, out there tearing the street up.  … In my mind I proceeded cautiously, and in my mind’s eye I saw I was coffin free.  Unsure of what to do next, besides continue taking steps… Gifted with life gills, even under water I’m taking breaths.  I want to run and tell somebody of the this marvelous transformation, because my spirit is so elated, it seems this depression is outdated, because the day that the Lord saved me, He echoed the words He said when He made me… Joshua – be very strong and courageous, this depression and doubt is not yours.

However, underneath the layers is a thin filament of fear… Tougher than a splinter, thinner than a hair strand… What If plagues me, and bridles my wild steed of joy.  What If it’s a lie… What If I’ll be down again tomorrow night… What If this is a cycle that I keep falling into over and over again…

What If makes excellent points, and I guess he is tactically superior, because I have only one strategy… Rip the cages from around my faith, go hard in all things no matter what it takes, be careful not to intentionally put myself out of place, and surrender everything the sheer bigness of God.  Afterall – if a Shepherd can’t aid a struggling sheep, he’s not much of a Shepherd then is he?

 

 

 

~The Wordsmith